i carry your hearts in my heart

I can just go on and on about my baby Jacob.  Everything he does is amazing.  I can literally stare at him all day.  It all melts my heart!  I can't believe how much I love my son.  I mean, people say this all the time but I really cannot describe in my own words all the love that I have for this little boy.  My heart aches with all of the love I have for him.  Anyway, back to all of the new stuff he is doing!

24 weeks and so much hair!

Grandma P took Jake, Cousin A, and myself to do some grocery shopping.  It was Jacob's first time to sit in the front of the shopping cart.  He stayed pretty upright himself but I did have to use an extra blanket and my coat to help keep him up.

I like this view! 

E came by this week and treated me and Jake to some yummy lunch!  It was so delicious but painfully, they didn't have the dessert I was craving.  Guess who sat in a highchair?  Yep, it was Jake's first time in a highchair and he lasted about half way through the meal.  He did awesome!  It was good to have some adult company.  : )  Mommy needed that.

Super Baby!

I'll have what she's having. 

We went to second cousin A2's first birthday party!  It was chilly but we got to do a ton of fun things!  We watched a clown do magic tricks and make balloon animals, Jacob swung in a swing for the first time with cousin A and we got to meet none other than Elmo!!  It was super cool!

Jacob had his first "meal" today!  I mashed up some yummy avocado and daddy held him while I fed him.  He wasn't too sure how he felt about the avocado.  Jake ended up eating about 7 small bites before I stopped giving him some.

This is good?

I am so grateful for having Jacob with me here so that I can hold him, kiss him, love him.  I can't help but to think about my sweet angel baby too.  Jacob's brother will be gone from us for almost a full year now.  My heart still aches for my baby who is waiting for mommy, daddy and twin brother Jacob in heaven.  I still haven't come to grips with it yet.  I still feel angry and cheated but I feel bad to express that because then I feel guilty for not being completely grateful for what we have now.  I am hoping that by including this here, in black and white, it will give me some peace.  Mommy loves you angel baby.
      

For my sweet babies: 

    i carry your heart with me

ee cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)