Ok, so lets just start from the beginning.

So lets take it from the top.  Jesse and I knew we wanted kids.  I remember being so naive thinking that getting pregnant would be a piece of cake however  I would soon realize the heartache that comes along with dreams of having children.   We tried and tried and tried for a baby with no such luck.  We went to many doctors appointments to see what the deal was.  We prayed night after night hoping for a miracle.

Finally after about a year and a half, my ob recommended us to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE).  I know, a mouthful.  She was the ray of hope that we needed.  I remember our first appointment with her.  It was such an ugly day out.  There was a ton of wind and rain. . . I remember her even commenting on how she thought we would have rescheduled our appointment because of the conditions outside.  We sat in her office and discussed the many procedures that could possibly help.   We had a list of questions and concerns and the sweet RE sat with us and addressed each and every topic we had (and believe me, there was a full two pages).  Jesse and I looked at each other and did not hesitate to proceed.

Man, the next 6 months were FULL of trips to have blood drawn, medication, vitamins, ultrasounds, level checks, baby dancing (wink, wink) and trips to her office.  The trips to her office were like every three days and I gladly rearranged my schedule to make everything work.  Jesse went with me to all the appointments that he could go to and the other ultrasound appointments I videoed with my phone so he could see them.

After having to take a ton of medicine and my body responding well to it, it was time to TRY.  I remember having my blood drawn in the RE's office and having to have a FULL bladder.  I literally thought that my bladder was going to rip open.  Anyway, I remember having my blood drawn and hearing a fast thomp, thomp, thomp sound.  I immediately got really excited and fantasized about when Jesse and I would be in that room hearing our baby's heartbeat.

We went in to exam room #1 and that's where the "assisted magic" happened.  The RE told us that the rest is up to God.  I had instructions to wait two weeks and take a home pregnancy test.  During the mean time, we went on vacation hoping to take our mind off of the wait.

The day we flew back from Vegas is the day I needed to test.  I could not wait any longer and tested in the airport bathroom.  I thought I saw a faint line and tried not to get my hopes up.  Maybe that meant I was a little pregnant or I was about to be pregnant.  And yes, I did graduate from college . . . it's just that all the other many tests I took before were no go's.  I had my best friend look at the test and she was like, "yeah, that's a line!"  I then showed Jesse but told him I will take a digital one when we get home so there is no mistaking it. Fast forward a couple of hours...digital test = Pregnant.  OMG!

I called my RE and she told me to go get my levels drawn.  So on to have my blood drawn.  I waited a day and had my levels taken again.  I was at work (at a new job and meeting my mentor to ride along with her ALL day) when I got a call from my RE who informed me of the news . . . bad news.  It's a no go.  No baby.  Dreams shattered.  Dang. . . okay. . . suck up all the emotion and go to work with families and their babies.  Well, Jesse and I prayed and remembered it's in God's time.  That's easy to type but sheesh...that's so hard to live.  On to the next round.

That's a lot of medicine.

^^^^^Read a few paragraphs up.  We started the whole process again with even more medication!  Again, we went into the exam room where the "assisted magic" happens and just to help the cause, we baby danced too. ;)  The two week wait is the hardest part.  I've never really been into delayed gratification (ask my parents around Christmas time).  It was day 10 and I told Jesse that I am just going to test because I "felt" like I was pregnant.  I did not want to spend another $15 on a pregnancy test since I thought it was going to be too early to test anyway but I couldn't wait another two days to see if our lives would be forever changed.  I went to the dollar tree close to our house.  They really sell everything there.  I got two different types of pregnancy tests just in case they were defective because they did come from the dollar store.  I sped home and prayed while I peed.  OMG...Pregnant!  I snapped a picture with my phone and texted it to Jesse.  He was soooo excited!

Back to get my blood drawn over a couple of days.  I was at the home of a family I worked with and was not able to answer my phone.  I ran out of their house once it was time (actually a few minutes before lol) and checked my voicemail.  Such a sweet voice telling me congratulations and that my numbers were awesome!  She gave me my next appointment time.  I called Jesse, then my mom, then his mom.  I wanted to send a mass email to everyone on my contact list but I held it together.

Anyway, Jesse and I went in for our ultrasound to take a little peek at our miracle.  The RE was looking around in there and said okay, just one baby. . . no wait. . . two babies in there!  EXCUSE ME?!?!  Twins? Me?  Two babies at one time?  Me?  Us?  Twins!  Me!  US!  We were over the moon excited!  We called our parents right away!  They pretty much had the same reaction. :)


Fast forward to 12 weeks pregnant.  I had an appointment with the specialists to show me how my babies were doing.  I was excited because they have better ultrasound machines and I was hoping to see about gender predictions.  I ended up going to this all day appointment by myself because Jesse could not get off of work.  I am lying on the exam table while they are taking measurements of the babies.  They had a large screen tv on the wall that I could look at.  Both of my babies were dancing around in there.  I even remember making a comment to the ultrasound tech about how one of my babies looked like a ballerina.  The tech left the room after all the measurements were taken and then the doctor walks in to finish the ultrasound.  In hindsight, the doctor was verifying what the ultrasound was showing.  The doctor quietly finishes up with the ultrasound.  While I was lying down, she just turns to me and says, "One of your babies has anencephally.  It's fatal.  I'll let you speak with our genetics counselor."  Really lady?  You are just going to shatter my life without any empathy, emotion, anything.  I was and still am devastated.  I spoke with the genetics counselor and we discussed options.  I remember having to suck it all up so I could make the long drive home.

What I didn't understand is that my babies were in my belly dancing around.  They were perfect.  And Jesse and I had to choose if we were going to "reduce our pregnancy" or go along with it knowing that one of our babies were going to die very shortly after birth if not before.  That has been the hardest decision ever and I still feel all of the rawness of it.  On December 13, 2010, our precious baby boy was taken back by God.  

The rest of the pregnancy went well.  I was conflicted and mourning the loss of one child at my hands and celebrating the other.  We prayed and I went to a counselor to help me with my emotions and guilt.  Jesse and I were told by the specialist early on that the other twin was a girl so we were both surprised to hear that we were having a boy!  We were going to have a baby boy. . . wow!  At 20 weeks exactly is when I felt the baby in me for the first time.  I was watching tv and there he was. . . moving in my belly.  That is such an amazing feeling.  From then on, our baby made his presence known.  :)  We had a 3d ultrasound and that ultrasound tech said that our baby didn't have much hair.  Hmm. . . .  We also had her reconfirm that he was actually a he.

He definitely has that Filipino nose!

My water broke on Monday 6/20/11 at 12:15am.  I was with Jesse, my sister and her boyfriend and my brother IL and sister IL's house.  We were playing Apples to Apples (which I won despite being in "labor").  It wasn't a big gush of water like I was made to believe by tv and movies.  It was just a slow trickle. My sister asked, "Hey Nat, can I call mom and tell her?"  Umm. . . . No.  My amniotic fluid, my telephone call.  My mom was so excited!  She was also asleep.  Lol  She asked if we were going to the hospital yet.  I let her know that we were going to wait at home til things became more uncomfortable.  My mother IL was also excited. . . and asleep!  We told her our plans as well.

I hadn't finished packing my hospital bag so I did that, I took a shower and I tried to get some sleep.  That was a no go and just as I got up, the nesting urge kicked in.  I cleaned the kitchen, swept and mopped the floors, straightened out the living room and folded some laundry.  I told Jesse to get some sleep, I would let him know when "it was time".  I guess I just thought that I would know it was time when I was in too much pain to clean.  I wanted to labor comfortably at home and go in last minute to the hospital and push the baby out.  Well, that didn't quite happen.  I talked to my mother IL around 7am ish.  She talked about getting to the hospital already just in case and to make sure the baby was okay.  Honestly, after that conversation, I was starting to worry and that expedited our trip to the hospital.

Jesse and I drove to Shipley's to pick up a dozen of donuts for the nurses in hopes that I would get special treatment.  That wouldn't matter because I went through two shift changes and the actual nurse who helped me to deliver had no idea about any donuts.  But we will get to the delivery part soon...I promise.  We walked calmly into L&D and I walked up to the nurses station and said, "I'm pretty sure my water broke."  I guess because I was so calm they didn't believe me.  They took me to the holding room (observation room) and checked me out.  Yep, just as suspected.  There was definite water breakage and dilation going on.  I discussed with that nurse my plan on going all natural.

June 21, 2011 5:06 am, 29 hours later, after maxing out pitocin and having an epidural, 

Jacob Elijah Monreal arrived!  

My perfect little baby boy.

Our first family picture.  I know, I look rough.  

I'm still not sure how I feel about how everything "went down" but the end result is worth going through everything again multiplied by 1,000.  I honestly feel though like my body wasn't given a chance to birth naturally since the doctor and nurses kept pushing a c-section since "it's already been so many hours since your water broke Mrs. Monreal."  I'll just have to try the next go round (God willing)!